As a pet nanny, Lindsey Grant is used to taking care of all sorts of animals and nothing fazes her. That is until she learned Charlie the Greyhound’s treats include frozen cottage cheese, cheese-stuffed toys, and eggs. Read below for an excerpt from Sleeps with Dogs on how the slumbering pet caretaker got her rude awakening from charming Charlie.
My sleep was fraught with the sound of toenails on the hardwood and agitated yips from the hallway. I got up some time in the night, stiff-limbed and off-balance, to take Charlie to the garden for a potty break. I stood in the courtyard in my trout-print boxers and a tank top, teeth chattering while Charlie posed in the moonlight and stared at me. He didn’t pee. He just stood there.
I brought Charlie’s freshly laundered bed into the guest bedroom. If he was in the room with me, he’d have nothing to distract him from the seemingly simple task of sleeping. If he had to go outside, he could let me know with a polite nudge, or maybe a lick.
Instead, I woke up to Charlie’s big black nose in my face, snuffling little flecks of dog snot into my mouth and–when I reluctantly opened them–my eyes. I only resorted to this scenario as a last-ditch attempt at all because Charlie, for all his many charms, had another habit that was distracting, to say the least.
Given his unusually protein-rich and dairy-laden diet, it shouldn’t have been any surprise that Charlie was a stunningly gassy animal. His MO in my short time with him had been to fart and then leave the room. The smell was so potent that I had to leave the room also. No big mystery, then, that when he was in the bedroom with me, he gassed us both.
Sleeplessness seemed inevitable.